Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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