Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
