he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
