Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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