I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
