its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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