Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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