Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
how does that bad decision feel?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
