did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
