Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Randomize