if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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