What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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