I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
