The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
