i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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