Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
