your thong is hanging out like whoa
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
