I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
