: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Operation Purity has been aborted
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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