Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize