Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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