It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize