My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize