Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
