This girl is more easily done than said...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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