we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize