Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She even gives head with a lisp.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
