So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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