halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
my liver is dry heaving
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
