I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
