i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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