batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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