i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize