i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
