Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
