the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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