would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
