if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
