woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
