I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
