my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
