We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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