Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
