I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize