ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
