did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
