There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
