We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
