Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My feet surprised me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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