i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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