Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
