Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
