Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
