This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
