Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Randomize
