i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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