I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
