Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
