I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
