The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
