Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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