marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
