can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize