it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
