somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
