she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
