Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
